from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
