If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
