OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
