We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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