Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
