i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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