why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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