are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
