currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
