dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
