I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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