you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
