You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
