you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
