help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
