what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
