i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize