dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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