Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
