You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
