Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
