I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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