its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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