Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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