Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
