i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
