There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
