first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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