I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
