Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize