if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
