I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
