We won't sleep together?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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