Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
