Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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