So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
