Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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