he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
