dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize