I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
