3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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