Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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