im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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