Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
