Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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