Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
