I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
