you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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