i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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