Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
