We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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