I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
