You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
