I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
