dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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