my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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