This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
