You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize