dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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