Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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