You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
