It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
