I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
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