I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
