On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize