I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
